Someone told me that, given my proclivity for puns, I should check out Ana Galvão.
There are some videos online of her in a room and they are very dad-jokish, so if you like that, you might like this, but if you don’t, look away now, because this is just raw punnage from start to finish. I’ve put explanations below, partly to make myself understand them and partly for anyone who shares my love of crap jokes but maybe can’t follow what’s being said. I struggled a bit with some of them. If anyone thinks I’ve got any wrong, let me know in the comments!
She’s one of the co-hosts on this show, As Três de Manhã, so she’s not the person in the main frame of the video (That’s Joana Marques – even I know that) but she’s in the bottom-right corner, on the left.
1
Q. What do you call an epic shop that sells persianas (blinds or shutters on a house)?
A. Adamaestores – what? OK, Adamastor is like a giant sea monster who appears in Camões’s epic Os Lusíadas. It’s big, so I guess that explains the “epic” bit. Store explains the shop but but what does adamae have to do with shutters? A da Mãe? Do only mothers like blinds? I don’t get it. Nah, I was really “a bater na porta errada” with this one. Estores are shutters. So it’s just a pun on Adamastor and estores.
2
(Talking about someone called Lady Betty) In this case, I’m an analfabetty. Analfabeta means illiterate.
3
Q. What would the São Silvestre (a running race in Brazil) be called if all the participants were big strong men?
A. São Silvestre Stallone. Easy one.
4
So when you say I drink crazy teas… A crazy tea is a chálupa
Chá is tea of course, and I’ve talked about the word chalupa in a previous post.
5
Q. Do you know what you call someone who writes hate on the Internet and eats minty chocolate?
A. An After-Hater. Probably easy although I didn’t know they sold after eights in Portugal!
6
I want to introduce you to the father of João Paulo Sousa. It’s João “Pai-lo” Sousa, just a splice of Pai with Paulo.
7
“No melhor pano cai a Sancha” As Joana says, this doesn’t make sense but it’s based in an expression: no melhor pano cai a nódoa” Which means The stain lands on the best cloth. It’s a sort of pessimistic phrase like “the toast always lands butter side down”
8
Q. If I had a tea shop that was mine, what would it be called?
A. TisAna Galvão. Tisana is an infusion like a tea or herbal… Concoction.
9
Q. (Talking about the decline in coaching as coaches lose their clients) And do you know where the coaches will go when they no longer have clients?
A. To the museum of coaches.
O Museu Nacional de Coches is a real place, but it displays horse-drawn carriages, not life coaches.
There’s another video here but they’ve disabled embedding so I can’t post the whole thing. Here’s a breakdown:
1
Joana: It’s all dazzling for Emanuel. Now then, Ana, “Deslumbrante”
Ana: “Lumbrante”. (Deslumbrante means “dazzling” but it works as a dad joke because it sounds like “Diz ‘lumbrante'”)
2
Joana: Well, there’s chouriço-flavoured tea
Ana: Chá-riço
3
Caller: It’s a question of character, isn’t it, ending a marriage of 12 years by email
Ana: it’s not about character, it’s about characters.
4
Some slightly confused stuff about “Mick de Câmara Pereira” (pun on Mico de Câmara Pereira, a fadista who comes from a very aristocratic and well-connected family, as far as I can tell. I’d never heard of the bloke before, but that’s what Zé Google tells me, anyway)
5
Q. What do you call the automobile stand of a magician?
A. Car Tola.
A Cartola is a top hat. Car is obvious. Tola can mean a few different things. Usually when you see it it’s the feminine version of “tolo” meaning fool or foolish. It can also mean kinds of wood. Stand de automóveis can be a car showroom, but a stand more generally is usually used for a stand at an expo or a fair so I guess we’re thinking wood, wooden table, dais… Something like that. Oof. Hard work, this one!
6
Joana: He got a hug from Bruce Springsteen
Ana: You’d better believe it! An “Abruce” (just a pun on abraço and Bruce, obviously!)
7
There’s a tea-house in Alentejo. It’s called the Chá-Parro. Chaparro is a kind of small oak. There are restaurants called Chaparro in Alentejo, but I guess just because a lot grow there, maybe farmed for their bark, to use as corks.
Well, you’ve made it to the end. I admire your fortitude.
Luso 