Posted in English

Emos, Emas and Emus: know the difference

I put this meme on twitter earlier, inspired by a random thought from a previous post.

Tumbleweeds.

Emos, emas and emus. Know the difference.

It’s always a bit tricky when a joke in Portuguese dies on its arse. Is it because my grammar is incomprehensible, or is it just not funny. Reposted on Instagram and it got a few likes. OK, I’ll take that.

Posted in English

Arguing Again

One of the annoying things about being on twitter in Portuguese mode is that I often see things in English I want to reply to but I don’t want to break character and can’t be bothered logging into my normal account. Solution: I just reply in Portuguese, knowing full well that the person won’t understand.

I upbraided someone for a pet peeve of mine: posting made up Orwell quotes. I mean, if you are going to post a bold quite about the importance of truth in a world of fake news, at least take the time to find out if it’s a fake quote.

The guy took umbrage, told me I should “speak English” and said I was showing my stupidity. So I replied with…

Childish? Yes, but I’m calling it homework so it’s allowed.

Posted in English

A Portuguesa: TL;DR

For the benefit of anyone who is too lazy to read that last post, here it is in the form of a meme. I actually posted it on a world history Facebook group and it was modded out of existence almost immediately. Not surprising I suppose but I thought there might be one or two people willing to do the work to decipher it.

Henrique Lopes de Mendonça dealing with some critics of his new national anthem, A Portuguesa.
Look, I Made a Meme

Posted in Portuguese

This Blows

Encontro de negócios com o inventor do soprador de folhagem:

“É tipo… Uma vassoura que emite gases com efeito de estufa…”

“Então… Não queremos investir nisso”

“E faz muito barulho. Soa como uma* moto”

“PORQUE É QUE NÃO DISSESTE ISSO ANTES? CALA-TE E LEVA O NOSSO DINHEIRO TODO!”

Posted in English

“Eu é Mais Bolos”

Eu é mais bolos

I keep seeing people write this on twitter. The context is usually a bit iffy, but I can tell its not just a random collection of words thrown together, despite the slightly confusing use of “é” after “eu”.

Apparently, it comes from an old sketch, done by veteran comedian Herman José in which he plays José Severino, a pastry chef who has accidentally been invited onto a talk show to discuss radiography. When it came out – exactly thirty years ago – it was immediately successful and people started saying it to each other, and even now, in 2022, it lives on on social media.

“eu é mais bolos”

Posted in Portuguese

O Manifesto Sononista

Participei em mais uma aula de história ontem. Como sempre, os professores falaram dos eventos mais importantes da história de Portugal, como a reconquista da Península Ibérica por um exército sob a liderança de Karl Marx, a fundação do país por Dom Karl I, a vitória contra os espanhóis na batalha de Aljubarrota, durante a qual um jovem padeiro chamado Karl Marx matou sete castelhanos que se tinham escondido no seu forno, e a primeira viagem de circum-navegação do mundo por Karlão de Marxalhães.

De qualquer maneira, houve uma mulher que dormiu durante a aula inteira,desde o início ao final. Normalmente, os professores pedem aos alunos para silenciar os microfones mas esta senhora deixou o dela ligado. Portanto, de cada vez que ela roncou ou respirou profundamente, o Zoom, achando que ela disse alguma coisa, trocou a imagem do professor para a da senhora adormecida. Eu não conseguia parar de rir.

Posted in English

Fan Mail

Occasionally people write to me and tell me they’ve found this blog helpful in some way and I’m always really delighted that someone else out there in the darkness is going through the same struggles with grammar and has found something in these pages they can use to help them improve.

This is the first time someone has taken the trouble to tell me how shit my Portuguese is though. Well, that’s not very motivating is it? Oh well, never mind. The text of the day was about vaccine denialism and conspiracy theories, so I’m going to salve my ego by telling myself that she’s probably a tinfoil-hat-wearer and that her urge to fling poop at random language bloggers has more to do with seeing her beliefs challenged than it does with whatever defects she found in the text.

But obviously there’s still a lot to do so I’ll keep working hard and hope not to attract too many more critics! *wipes away tears with pages torn out of Português Atual 3*