Posted in English, Portuguese

Educação Sexual

I fancied doing another translation, and there’s a song I saw a while ago and mentally filed under “What the hell did I just see?” so here I am, coming back to give it a more thorough treatment.

I’ve definitely mentioned Joaquim de Magalhães Fernandes Barreiros before and I think described him as Portugal’s Benny Hill. He does smutty, innuendo-laden songs and he’s well-liked by many and perhaps a source of embarrassment to others. He’s well-known enough that Netflix chose him to promote its series Sex Education in Portugal – and here’s the result.

OK, well this is going to be fun. *Cracks Knuckles*

The first thing to point out is that a few times in the lyrics he addresses the listeners directly and he does this using the vós form of the imperative tense. This is pretty uncommon. In fact, the first time I saw it I almost had an aneurism becaue I thought it was a new tense that I’d never seen before. I’ll highlight it in the portuguese text for anyone who doesn’t recognise it.

Educação SexualSex Education
Rapazes e raparigas
Ligai o computador
Vamos todos aprender
Como é que se faz amor
Boys and girls
Turn on the computer
We’re all going to learn
How to make love
É hora de despertar
Para a vida sexual
Uns vão gostar de banana
Os outros de bacalhau
It’s time to wake up
To sexual life
Some people like banana
The others, cod
Seja homem ou mulher
Não importa a orientação
A realidade é sempre
Melhor que a fricção
Whether man or woman
It doesn’t matter the orientation
The reality is always
Better than friction*
Falai abertamente
De sexo sem timidez
Está na hora de começar
Aguentas oito de uma vez?
Speak openly
About sex, without shyness
It’s time to start
Can you handle eight at once?
Para cima, para baixo
Está no ir, está no quente
Enfiai devagarinho
E gozai suavemente
Up and down
It’s on the go**, it’s in the warm
Put it in slowly
And have fun***, gently
Para cima, para baixo
Está no ir, está no quente
Enfiai devagarinho
E gozai suavemente

Aguentas oito de uma vez?
Aguentas oito de uma vez?
Aguentas oito de uma vez?
Up and down
It’s on the go, it’s in the warm
Put it in slowly
And have fun, gently

Can you handle eight at once?
Can you handle eight at once?
Can you handle eight at once?

* Reality is better than f(r)iction is obviosuly a pun. There are a few ways of expressing the equivalent of “truth is stranger than fiction” in portuguese, but this is legitimately one of them – see this TSF Rádio Notícias article, for example.

**Not sure about the translation here. “Está no ir” isn’t a phrase that comes up a lot if you google it, but it does seem to mean what you’d think if you translated it literally “It’s on the go”

***Gozar usually means to enjoy something in european portuguese – “gozar de férias” (enjoy the holidays) is an example given on priberam, so I’ve just translated it like that. However, the fact that in brazilian portuguese it also means “have an orgasm” is pretty obviously going to be relevant, given what he’s singing about!

Posted in English, Portuguese

Se Esta Rua Fosse Minha

Translation time! This one is by Oquestrada and it’s cool. I especially like how the ghost of Ernie, the fastest milkman in the west, shows up and starts playing a pocket trumpet.

These are lyrics. I thought she was just freestyling in the middle but then realised the lyrics I was using for the translation were totally different! It’s actually an older song, from Brasil, possibly from the 19th Century, and I’d picked up those lyrics instead of the Oquestrada version. They’re really different; in fact, even the title is slightly different. Brazilians use “essa” slightly more often than portuguese people, so the name of the song is “Se Essa Rua Fosse Minha” – Essa, not Esta. Anyway, deleted it all, started again, and here you go, with the right version.

PortugueseEnglish
Se esta rua, se esta rua
se esta rua fosse minha
eu mandava-a, eu mandava-a
eu mandava-a ladrilhar
com pedrinhas de rubi
só para o meu amor passar
Ah, se esta rua, se esta rua
se esta rua fosse minha
com pedrinhas de rubi
só para o meu amor passar
If this street, if this street
If this street were mine
I’d order it, I’d order it
I’d order it to be paved
With ruby cobblestones
Just for my lover to pass by
Ah, If this road were mine
I’d order it to be paved
With ruby cobblestones
Just for my lover to pass by
Ah, lá porque és feia tem calma
não te faltam seduções
mais vale ser linda de alma
do que linda de feições
mais vale ser linda de alma
do que linda de feições
Ai o amor, o amor
o amor é como a lua
ora cresce
ora mingua é
Ai o amor, o amor
o amor é como a lua
ora cresce
ora mingua
ah, pois é
Ah, just because you’re ugly, calm down
You don’t lack seductions
It’s better to have a beautiful soul
Than beautiful features
It’s better to have a beautiful soul
Than beautiful features
Oh love, love
Love is like the moon
Now it waxes
Now it wanes
Oh love, love
Love is like the moon
Now it waxes
Now it wanes
For sure
Que bom ser pequenino
ter pai, ter mãe, ter avós
ah, ter esperança no destino
e ter quem goste de nós
e ter quem goste de nós
e ter quem goste de nós
Ai, é tao bom ser pequenino
It’s so good to be a child
To have father, mother and grandparents
To have hope in our destiny
And to have people who like us
And to have people who like us
And to have people who like us
Oh it’s so good to be a child
Se esta rua, se esta rua
se esta rua fosse minha
eu mandava-a ladrilhar
com pedrinhas de rubi
só para o meu amor passar
Se esta rua fosse minha
eu mandava-a ladrilhar
só para o meu amor passar
só para tu e tu e tu e tu e tu
passar
If this street, if this street
If this street were mine
I’d order it, I’d order it
I’d order it to be paved
With ruby cobblestones
Just for my lover to pass by
Ah, If this road were mine
I’d order it to be paved
With ruby cobblestones
Just for my lover to pass by
Posted in English

Oh Lordy, it’s Eurovision Tonight!

And I haven’t even heard the portuguese entry yet. Right, let’s get this up on screen and see what it’s like

Wow, it’s pretty good actually. I can’t see it winning – it’s no Amar Pelos Dois – but it’s better than the last few entries. There are some lyrics online, so here’s a translation.

First of all, the name. It should just be “Oh heart” but that sounds weird so I’m going to randomly insert the word “my” to make it sound more natural

PortugueseEnglish
Ai, coração
Que não me deixas em paz
Não me dás sossego, não me deixas capaz
Tenho a cabeça e a garganta num nó
Que não se desfaz e nem assim tu tens dó
Sinto-me tonta, cada dia pior
Já não sei de coisas que sabia de cor
As pulsações subiram quase pra mil
Estou louca, completamente senil
Oh my heart
That doesnt leave me in peace
That doesn’t give me calm, leaves me incapable
I have my head and my throat in a knot
That won’t untie itself and you have no pity
I feel dizzy, worse every day
I don’t know thigs I used to know by heart*
My pulse is up to almost a thousand
I’m crazy, completely senile
O peito a arder, a boca seca, eu sei lá
O que te fazer, amor, pra mim assim não dá
Porque parece que nem sou mais eu
Ai, coração
Ai, coração
Diz-me lá se és meu
My chest burning, my mouth dry, i don’t know
What to do to you, it’s not working out like this
Because it seems like I’m not myself any more
Oh my heart
Oh my heart
Tell me if you are mine
As horas passam e o sono não vem
Ouço as corujas e os vizinhos também
O meu juízo foi-se e por lá ficou
Alguém me tire deste estado em que estou
O doutor diz que não há nada a fazer
‘Caso perdido’, vi-o eu a escrever
Ando perdida numa outra dimensão
Toda eu sou uma grande confusão
The hours pass and the sleep doesn’t come
I listen to the owls and the neighbours too
My judgement left and stayed away
Someone take me out of this state I’m in
The doctor says there’s nothing that can be done
“Lost cause” I saw him write about me
I’m lost in another dimension
I’m all in a muddle
O peito a arder, a boca seca, eu sei lá
O que te fazer, amor, pra mim assim não dá
Porque parece que nem sou mais eu
Ai, coração
Ai, coração
Ai, coração
Diz-me lá se és meu
My chest burning, my mouth dry, i don’t know
What to do to you, it’s not working out like this
Because it seems like I’m not myself any more
Oh my heart
Oh my heart
Oh my heart
Tell me if you are mine
O peito a arder, a boca seca, eu sei lá
O que te fazer, amor, pra mim assim não dá
Porque parece que nem sou mais eu
Ai, coração
Ai, coração
Ai, coração
Ai, coração
Diz-me lá se és meu
My chest burning, my mouth dry, i don’t know
What to do to you, it’s not working out like this
Because it seems like I’m not myself any more
Oh my heart
Oh my heart
Oh my heart
Oh my heart
Tell me if you are mine

*Why doesn’t “cor” mean colour here? Well, cast your mind back to this post a few weeks back. The lyrics of that one talk about knowing “letras de cor” – knowing them off by heart. So it’s just an old usage of cor, meaning the same as coração.

Posted in English

M.I.R.I.A.M: Orelha Negra, featuring Vhils

I posted a music video yesterday, and I’ve got a few more lined up. This one doesn’t really ave any lyrics though, so consider it a palate cleanser. Orelha Negra are portuguese band and they’ve put one of their chilled-out tracks over some footage of Vhils doing his craxy explosive artworks. I’ve talked about Vhils before a couple of times and I quite like the effect of combining the two art forms in one.

Posted in English

Rapalhau

I’ve been enjoying these lads – Bacalhau No Azeite – doing their rap videos on Instagram. It’s not exactly Kanye West but they have lyrics so I can follow what they’re saying and I quite like that. Strong recommendation for anyone who likes rap but isn’t too purist about it (or rather “anyone who doesn’t mind seeing the art form butchered in real time”)

Posted in English, Portuguese

Morena

I did a Tiago Bettencourt translation the other day, so let’s have a go at “Morena” too, not becaue it’s my favourite song of his, but because it has some nice guitar work.

Trigger Warning: Scrabble Crimes

OK, potentially controversial decision: I’m translating “Morena” as “Brunette”, because that’s the closest I can get to a literal translation. It’s not quite right though, for two reasons. Firstly, there’s a sense of the person’s skin being tanned or olive-toned as well as their hair being dark brown; and secondly, I think referring to women as blondes, brunettes, redheads has a slightly disrespectful tone in english (at least in some circles) and I think that’s less true in portuguese. That’s partly a linguistic thing: in Portuguese it’s more usual to use an adjective as a noun – for example “um inglês” not “um homem inglês” – and partly because we have a tendency to overthink things in the english-speaking world, especially a certain very large country situated a few hundred miles north of Brazil. Anyway, with that dislcaimer, let’s crack on.

PortugueseEnglish
Esta morena não sabe
O que o dia tem para lhe dar
Diz-me que tem namorado
Mas sem paixão no olhar
Tem um risinho pequeno
E que só dá de favor
Corpo com sede de quente
Mas que não sente calor
Mas que não sente calor

Esta morena não dança
Quando lhe mostro Jobim
Talvez não goste da letra
Talvez não goste de mim
Cabelo negro sem regra
Caindo em leve ombro nu
Feito de morno passado
E amor que nunca cegou
E amor que nunca cegou

Morena no fundo quer
Tempo para ser mulher
Morena não sabe bem
Mas eu no fundo sei
Que quando o véu lhe cai
Quando o calor lhe vem
Sempre que a noite quer
Sonha comigo também

Há sítios que ela não usa
Por não saber que estão cá
Há mares que ela não cruza
Por não ser eu a estar lá
É de mim que ela precisa
Para lhe dar o que não quer
Talvez lhe mostre caminhos
Onde se queira perder
Onde se queira perder

Esta morena não chora
Com um fado negro de Oulman
Nem com um poema de O’Neill
Na primeira luz da manhã
Sabe de tantos artistas
Canta-me letras de cor
Mas não lhe passam por dentro
Não lhes entende o sabor
Não lhes entende o sabor

Morena no fundo quer
Tempo para ser mulher
Morena não sabe bem
Mas eu no fundo sei
Que quando o véu lhe cai
Quando o calor lhe vem
Sempre que a noite quer
Sonha comigo também

Esta morena não corre
Quando a chamo para mim
This brunette doesn’t know
What the day has to give her
She tells me she has a boyfriend
But without any passion in her eyes
She has a little laugh
That she only gives as a favour
Body that thirsts for warmth
But doesn’t feel heat
But doesn’t feel heat

This brunette doesn’t dance
When I show her Jobim
Maybe she doesn’t like the lyrics
Maybe she doesn’t like me
Black, unruly hair
Falling on a light, naked shoulder
Made by boredom gone by
And love that never blinded her
And love that never blinded her

Deep down, the brunette wants
Time to be a woman
The brunette doesn’t really know
But deep down, I know
That when her veil falls
When the warmth comes back to her
Whenever the night chooses
She dreams of me* too.

There are places she doesn’t use
Because she doesn’t know they’re here
There are seas she doesn’t cross
Because I’m not there
It’s me she needs
To give her what she doesn’t want
Maybe I’ll show her paths
Where she wants to lose herself
Where she wants to lose herself

This brunette doesn’t cry
with the dark fado of Oulman
Nor with the poetry of O’Neill
In the first light of morning
She knows so many artists
She sings me lyrics by heart**
But they don’t get inside her
She doesn’t understand their flavour
She doesn’t understand their flavour

Deep down, the brunette wants
Time to be a woman
The brunette doesn’t really know
But deep down, I know
That when her veil falls
When the warmth comes back to her
Whenever the night chooses
She dreams of me too.

This brunette doesn’t run
When I call her to me

*= Remember “sonha comigo” might look like “dreams with me” – implying they are sleeping together – but it means “dreams of me”, which is a different kettle of fish! One of those instances where the use of prepositions can give you a slightly different mental image if you’re not careful.

**= Letras “de cor” sounds like it should mean colourful lyrics but there’s an older meaning of cor that is the same as coração, so it’s just like the english expression “knowing something by heart”

Morenas: Expectativas x Realidade
Posted in English

How Fernando Pessoa Saved Portugal

Yesterday’s post was about the strange case of Fernando Pessoa’s advertising slogan for Coca Cola in 1927. As I mentioned, there seem to be a few different perspectives on the motives of the people involved, but I don’t think the facts of the matter are in doubt.

Anyway, it turns out that there’s a short movie about the incident. It’s made by a French company but it’s in portuguese with English subtitles. Someone’s put it on Facebook. Hurry though, it might not be there forever. It’s a good length and very easy to follow, so I can recommend it even if your listening skills are underdeveloped.

The film has a slightly playful, surreal tone. The name of the drink os given as “Coca Louca” and it translates the slogan as “First you’re surprised, then you’re possessed”, then plays with that idea of possession by showing the minister for health convinced that the drink contains evil demons which need to be cast out by an exorcist with a bottle opener in the shape of a crucifix!

It also depicts the poet not as Pessoa himself but as Álvaro de Campos, one of the heteronyms, who appears in the film as a separate person, looking just like the man himself.

A still from the movie "Como Fernando Pessoa Salvou Portugal"
Fernando Pessoa Working Up a Thirst
Posted in English

Ana Galvão

Someone told me that, given my proclivity for puns, I should check out Ana Galvão.

There are some videos online of her in a room and they are very dad-jokish, so if you like that, you might like this, but if you don’t, look away now, because this is just raw punnage from start to finish. I’ve put explanations below, partly to make myself understand them and partly for anyone who shares my love of crap jokes but maybe can’t follow what’s being said. I struggled a bit with some of them. If anyone thinks I’ve got any wrong, let me know in the comments!

She’s one of the co-hosts on this show, As Três de Manhã, so she’s not the person in the main frame of the video (That’s Joana Marques – even I know that) but she’s in the bottom-right corner, on the left.

1

Q. What do you call an epic shop that sells persianas (blinds or shutters on a house)?

A. Adamaestores – what? OK, Adamastor is like a giant sea monster who appears in Camões’s epic Os Lusíadas. It’s big, so I guess that explains the “epic” bit. Store explains the shop but but what does adamae have to do with shutters? A da Mãe? Do only mothers like blinds? I don’t get it. Nah, I was really “a bater na porta errada” with this one. Estores are shutters. So it’s just a pun on Adamastor and estores.

2

(Talking about someone called Lady Betty) In this case, I’m an analfabetty. Analfabeta means illiterate.

3

Q. What would the São Silvestre (a running race in Brazil) be called if all the participants were big strong men?

A. São Silvestre Stallone. Easy one.

4

So when you say I drink crazy teas… A crazy tea is a chálupa

Chá is tea of course, and I’ve talked about the word chalupa in a previous post.

5

Q. Do you know what you call someone who writes hate on the Internet and eats minty chocolate?

A. An After-Hater. Probably easy although I didn’t know they sold after eights in Portugal!

6

I want to introduce you to the father of João Paulo Sousa. It’s João “Pai-lo” Sousa, just a splice of Pai with Paulo.

7

“No melhor pano cai a Sancha” As Joana says, this doesn’t make sense but it’s based in an expression: no melhor pano cai a nódoa” Which means The stain lands on the best cloth. It’s a sort of pessimistic phrase like “the toast always lands butter side down”

8

Q. If I had a tea shop that was mine, what would it be called?

A. TisAna Galvão. Tisana is an infusion like a tea or herbal… Concoction.

9

Q. (Talking about the decline in coaching as coaches lose their clients) And do you know where the coaches will go when they no longer have clients?

A. To the museum of coaches.

O Museu Nacional de Coches is a real place, but it displays horse-drawn carriages, not life coaches.

There’s another video here but they’ve disabled embedding so I can’t post the whole thing. Here’s a breakdown:

1

Joana: It’s all dazzling for Emanuel. Now then, Ana, “Deslumbrante”

Ana: “Lumbrante”. (Deslumbrante means “dazzling” but it works as a dad joke because it sounds like “Diz ‘lumbrante'”)

2

Joana: Well, there’s chouriço-flavoured tea

Ana: Chá-riço

3

Caller: It’s a question of character, isn’t it, ending a marriage of 12 years by email

Ana: it’s not about character, it’s about characters.

4

Some slightly confused stuff about “Mick de Câmara Pereira” (pun on Mico de Câmara Pereira, a fadista who comes from a very aristocratic and well-connected family, as far as I can tell. I’d never heard of the bloke before, but that’s what Zé Google tells me, anyway)

5

Q. What do you call the automobile stand of a magician?

A. Car Tola.

A Cartola is a top hat. Car is obvious. Tola can mean a few different things. Usually when you see it it’s the feminine version of “tolo” meaning fool or foolish. It can also mean kinds of wood. Stand de automóveis can be a car showroom, but a stand more generally is usually used for a stand at an expo or a fair so I guess we’re thinking wood, wooden table, dais… Something like that. Oof. Hard work, this one!

6

Joana: He got a hug from Bruce Springsteen

Ana: You’d better believe it! An “Abruce” (just a pun on abraço and Bruce, obviously!)

7

There’s a tea-house in Alentejo. It’s called the Chá-Parro. Chaparro is a kind of small oak. There are restaurants called Chaparro in Alentejo, but I guess just because a lot grow there, maybe farmed for their bark, to use as corks.

Well, you’ve made it to the end. I admire your fortitude.

Posted in English

It’s Illegal, But You Can Do It

Discussing yesterday’s post with a friend, she pointed me to a sketch from a satirical show called Gato Fedorento (literally “Stinky Cat”) from 2007 which had a similar phrase in it. It’s actually not the same as the usage I’d heard, but it lives on as a meme, so I am definitely interested, and I spent some time understanding it anyway! The phrase is “É proibido mas pode-se fazer”.

The background is that in that year there was a referendum about reforming the abortion laws, which was quite a big deal in a largely catholic country. Marcelo Rebelo de Sousa had initially supported a referendum in 1997 but when it had finally come to the crunch ten years later he campaigned against it and set up a website critical of the plan called “Assim Não” (“Not like this”). Cynical political move or principled stand? Well, if I understand it, his reasoning was that in the ten years that had elapsed, he was out of power the Partido Socialista had launched the referendum, backed by a law they had written. The wording on the referendum remained “despenalização” (decriminalisation) but the law they were intending to pass was actually advocating “liberalização” (liberalisation), which he argued was slightly different. On top of that, there was an indication that women would be able to have abortions by their own choice, with no need to justify it on psychological, medical or other grounds, which he did not support. And he even goes on to paint a picture of a world where women are choosing abortions more-or-less at a whim. He is pretty ridiculous about it, actually. The bottom line was that he didn’t want to liberalise the conditions under which women could get abortions, he just wanted to take away the criminal penalty.

Here’s the original video.

(By the way, what’s the camera guy playing at? There are some really odd zoom shots and then, at about 2:00, he starts filming the guy through a glass on the table. That’s a pretty cool shot if you’re making an edgy police drama, but it’s weird AF in this context)

Anyway Gato Fedorento mocked him by having Ricardo Araújo Pereira repeat his speech (without the avant garde camera work) but spelling out the absurdity of how he wants it to work: “É proibido, mas pode-se fazer”. Or “It’s illegal but you can do it”.

Marcelo is the president now. Make of that what you will.