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Oh No…

I just wondered how to say “male pattern baldness” in Portuguese so I googled it because it seemed like one of those things that would have a Wikipedia page and by looking across to the Portuguese version I could be sure that was the real term, not some shonky version from Google Translate. Now I’m going to be getting baldness cures pitched at me on every page I visit and every YouTube video I watch aren’t I. Damn you, technology.

Anyway, in case you’re wondering, it’s “alopécia androgenética de padrão masculino“. Pretty unwieldy, eh?

The Internet Be Like…
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You Say Pow! Tautau. I say “Join NATO”

This must be my 400th title based on that song. I love it though. Anyway, the Social Media Find of the Day is this suggestion for ending the Russian invasion of Ukraine:

A mãe Putin vir com uma chinela dar taotao ao menino Vladimir.

Putin’s mother coming with a slipper to give her kid Vladimir tautau.

It’s not hard to guess from the context, is it, but my wife confirmed that yes, tautau means a smack – although she, and everyone else in the universe – spells it with a u, not an o. There’s a song called Vais Levar Tautau (you’re going to get a smack). Not my cup of tea, but if you’re interested it’s here

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Abesbilico

One of my favourite things is trying to work out what the hell is going on in slang and social media lingo. Take this one for example…

“Abesbilico” is the “bué” of this generation.

So um… Eh?

First of all, bué. Bué is a word that entered Portuguese via Quimbundo, a language spoken in Angola. It can be used an adverb or a quantifier meaning “a lot”. “Leio bué” =I read a lot, and “Há bué gente” means “There are a lot of people” . This seems to be pretty well known. I first came across it as part of “bué fixe” – very cool.

And what about Abesbilico? I’d never heard of it before.

Tia Branca

Apparently it’s used a lot by Tia Branca who is a presenter on some kind of sex advice show on RTP. It seems to mean something like “gobsmacked”. Hunting around, I can find people asking about it in 2009 when it seems to have surfaced. Nobody seems to be quite sure about its origin. Possibly a splice of “Abismado” and… Something else. I definitely hadn’t seen it in the wild till I saw this but it might be a generational thing: if you search twitter for it, it seems to be getting used about ten times a day, so it’s out there, and I even came across memes of Tik Too teens lipsynching to Tia Branca saying “Este silêncio é propósitado, estou abesbílica”

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You Say Patudo, I Say Patão

Unfinished business from yesterday’s moorhen-related content: suppose the birds who wanted to body shame the moorhen had decided to call him a fat duck instead of bigfoot? How would they do that? They could say “pato gordo” or “pato gordinho” of course, but is there a shorter option?

Portuguese speakers tend to use the -inho ending on a lot of words as a diminutive, so patinho is little duck, gatinho is little cat and so on. Augmentatives – endings that make a word bigger or stronger are a little rarer and less regular, but substituting – ão for the final o is quite a common way of doing it. Or -ona if it ends in an a.

So in this case, patão would be a chonky duck. You probably won’t hear this very often in Portugal. Things are more likely to be – inho than – ão, but there’s a supermarket in Brazil called patão, and the word does exist in priberam, so it’s not just a Brazilian thing.

I’m trying to think where I’ve heard these kinds of endings: garrafão is a huge bottle, facalhão is a big kitchen knife, and I think I’ve seen it used for outdoor work knives (maybe even a machete?) in some contexts too. Barrigão is used to mean a big belly, whether it’s big because there is a baby in there or because the owner is too fond of Sagres.

You have to be a little careful with these though. I think, because they are quite rare, they might be used for humorous affect and you probably don’t want to accidentally say the wrong thing. Mulherão, for example: how’s that going to come across? Tall woman? Great woman? Fat woman? Coarse woman? It might depend on the context or that tone of voice, so unless you’re supremely confident I’d just leave it out if I were you.

There are other endings too. I can’t really do justice to them without, basically, rewriting this article from Practice Portuguese word for word, so if you want to know more, I’d say toddle on over there and see what the boys have to say on the subject.

Posted in English

Patudo

Here’s another nugget from social media. I saw a meme on Instagram about depressed animals which, unfortunately, I can’t really reproduce here because it had someone’s user name in it, but no worries: the interesting bit was off to one side, where a sad-looking moorhen was thinking “As outras aves chamaram me patudo. Body shaming é tão 90s”

What were they saying to body-shame the poor moorhen? Well, my first thought was that pato means “duck” so maybe patudo is like an exaggerated form of that word, meaning something like “big duck” or “fat duck”. But I looked it up and after an initial double-take when I saw that there is a kind of tuna called a patudo, I saw what was really happening. The root of patudo isn’t from “pato”, it’s from “pata”. It means big-footed. And it’s true, moorhens really do have massive feet for wading through the bogs. Poor moorhen! Coitadinha de gallinula!

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Arguing Again

One of the annoying things about being on twitter in Portuguese mode is that I often see things in English I want to reply to but I don’t want to break character and can’t be bothered logging into my normal account. Solution: I just reply in Portuguese, knowing full well that the person won’t understand.

I upbraided someone for a pet peeve of mine: posting made up Orwell quotes. I mean, if you are going to post a bold quite about the importance of truth in a world of fake news, at least take the time to find out if it’s a fake quote.

The guy took umbrage, told me I should “speak English” and said I was showing my stupidity. So I replied with…

Childish? Yes, but I’m calling it homework so it’s allowed.

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Biblio

The Bertrand Bublio App (mentioned on the Audio Books page) is annoying me. I’ve been listening to Vida Dupla by Sérgio Godinho but it pauses every minute or so and I have to keep tapping the screen to make it move on. I think it’s a bug where it needs permission not to suspend when the screen goes blank or when a notification comes in or… I dunno… Something. Maybe tomorrow’s writing task will be uma carta de reclamação about the issue.