Posted in English, Portuguese

Educação Sexual

I fancied doing another translation, and there’s a song I saw a while ago and mentally filed under “What the hell did I just see?” so here I am, coming back to give it a more thorough treatment.

I’ve definitely mentioned Joaquim de Magalhães Fernandes Barreiros before and I think described him as Portugal’s Benny Hill. He does smutty, innuendo-laden songs and he’s well-liked by many and perhaps a source of embarrassment to others. He’s well-known enough that Netflix chose him to promote its series Sex Education in Portugal – and here’s the result.

OK, well this is going to be fun. *Cracks Knuckles*

The first thing to point out is that a few times in the lyrics he addresses the listeners directly and he does this using the vós form of the imperative tense. This is pretty uncommon. In fact, the first time I saw it I almost had an aneurism becaue I thought it was a new tense that I’d never seen before. I’ll highlight it in the portuguese text for anyone who doesn’t recognise it.

Educação SexualSex Education
Rapazes e raparigas
Ligai o computador
Vamos todos aprender
Como é que se faz amor
Boys and girls
Turn on the computer
We’re all going to learn
How to make love
É hora de despertar
Para a vida sexual
Uns vão gostar de banana
Os outros de bacalhau
It’s time to wake up
To sexual life
Some people like banana
The others, cod
Seja homem ou mulher
Não importa a orientação
A realidade é sempre
Melhor que a fricção
Whether man or woman
It doesn’t matter the orientation
The reality is always
Better than friction*
Falai abertamente
De sexo sem timidez
Está na hora de começar
Aguentas oito de uma vez?
Speak openly
About sex, without shyness
It’s time to start
Can you handle eight at once?
Para cima, para baixo
Está no ir, está no quente
Enfiai devagarinho
E gozai suavemente
Up and down
It’s on the go**, it’s in the warm
Put it in slowly
And have fun***, gently
Para cima, para baixo
Está no ir, está no quente
Enfiai devagarinho
E gozai suavemente

Aguentas oito de uma vez?
Aguentas oito de uma vez?
Aguentas oito de uma vez?
Up and down
It’s on the go, it’s in the warm
Put it in slowly
And have fun, gently

Can you handle eight at once?
Can you handle eight at once?
Can you handle eight at once?

* Reality is better than f(r)iction is obviosuly a pun. There are a few ways of expressing the equivalent of “truth is stranger than fiction” in portuguese, but this is legitimately one of them – see this TSF Rádio Notícias article, for example.

**Not sure about the translation here. “Está no ir” isn’t a phrase that comes up a lot if you google it, but it does seem to mean what you’d think if you translated it literally “It’s on the go”

***Gozar usually means to enjoy something in european portuguese – “gozar de férias” (enjoy the holidays) is an example given on priberam, so I’ve just translated it like that. However, the fact that in brazilian portuguese it also means “have an orgasm” is pretty obviously going to be relevant, given what he’s singing about!