Another terrible pun…
Engarrafamento =traffic jam (you can see the “garrafa” in there, as in bottleneck)
Ganso =goose
Look, I Made You A Dad Joke
Category: English
Neuter Kids on the Block
I mentioned a few weeks back that I had backed out of a seminar on suffragettes in Portugal. Well, the tutor, seminar leader, whatever, sent out an email with some course materials. I was interested in the opening lines (In the image up there, 👆) Can you spot it?
As you probably know, portuguese has two genders, masculine and feminine, and all nouns have one or the other, even though physical objects and abstract concepts have no biological sex, they are all sorted into two categories too. And if referring to a group of – say – two women and two men, or even a thousand women and one male cat, the fact that there’s a mix of genders means you use the masculine as default so it would be “eles” not “elas”. Obviously this seems a bit silly on its face. I’m not going to get on my soapbox here because it’s not my language, but it seems like it would be fairer if you went with the majority or something. Anyway, what you have in the screenshot is the use of “querides” with an – es ending instead of either – as or – os.
It’s easy to see why this makes sense from a feminist point of view since mixed groups shouldn’t default to the masculine ending. It’s not just a typo either. At the end she says “beijinhos para todes”, which I keep pronouncing as “toads” and imagining a princess/frog situation.
I’ve had someone explain to me that e can be used as an ending for people describing themselves as “non-binary”. I haven’t seen any examples of this in the wild. For example, if you read the Wikipedia entry for Sam Smith you’ll find it carefully written to avoid any pronouns or gender-specific endings that refer to him directly. Where they do exist they are made to refer to other nouns. For example in the first paragraph it says “é uma personalidade britânica” where the a on the end of britânica refers to “personalidade” not to Smith himself. I think it would be kind of silly to squeeze gender-specific endings out of words referring to people, since a language that has gender for everything except people would be even sillier than a language that has gender for everything including people. IMHO one of the best things about English is that you don’t have the faff of remembering random genders for every single object and every single idea that has ever existed. If they don’t have a sex then they are all just “it”, and that’s beautifully simple.
And one final thought on gender: I always find it odd that for example the idea of feminity itself is masculine. What do I mean? Well, there’s a book called “O Feminino e o Moderno” by Ana LuÃsa Vilela, Fábio Maria da Silva and Maria Lúcia Dal Farra. Why is The Feminine Masculine? Weird historical reasons, that’s why!
Equally surprising is the word “grávida” (pregnant) which, if you look it up, is defined as the feminine version of grávido, as if men could get pregnant and in fact pregnant men were the default. It’s all a bit Judith Butler if you ask me.
Portuguese Language-Learning Resources
I’m moving some of my more useful blog post material into some fixed pages that I’ll update from time to time. I like the idea that it’s safe in one place and not spread around all over teh last 5 years of material.
If you’re reading this on a computer you should see a list over there on the right 👉
If you’re looking at it on the phone it’ll probably be a few page-lengths down there 👇
And if you’re reading it on an etch-a-sketch you probably aren’t seeing it anywhere so here are the ones I’ve done so far (but there will be more soon)
Aqui Vou Eu Novamente
This is a bit of a silly one. Notes down at the bottom. Thanks again ThisCatIsConfused for correcting it (and having the patience to read my silly word games!)
Abbabo de ver um filme baseado nas músicas de aca. Hum… Quero dizer “Acabo de ver um filme baseado nas músicas de ABBA”. O seu tÃtulo é Mamma Mia. A minha filha e a sua amiga fizeram uma festa ontem à noite. Abbastecemo-las… Hum… Ou seja Abastecemo-las com petiscos e abbandonámo-las… Abandonámo-las na sala de estar. Hoje de manhã estão com sono e estão só capazes de comer panquecas com xarope e ver filmes.
Abbasar de ser…. Hum… Apesar de ser de sexo masculino*, gosto do filme. Há muitas estrelas no elenco. Acima de todos, gosto de Christine Baranski que é abbasolutamente… Hum… absolutamente fantastica. O enredo é engraçado, e as canções… Tipo… Quem não abbora ada… Ou seja quem. Não adora ABBA?
*=i just wrote “apesar de ser masculino but you have to say” de sexo masculino”. Probably would have been easier to say “apesar de ser homem” really, eh?
So what’s the joke?
I’d better explain for the benefit of anyone who is confused by the unfamiliar vocabulary that this is a sort of long-running pun: I’ve swapped the word “abba” onto other similar words like “apesar”, “acabo” and “abandonámos” and occasionally swapped letters in the other direction too. In each case, I correct myself immediately after but if you’re still at an early stage of your journey it probably looks a bit confusing so I’m sorry about that!
Bottling Out
I joined in one of the Bertrand training courses I mentioned a couple of weeks ago. It’s part of a series on feminism, looking at the subject of the portuguese suffragette movement. I thought I’d try and listen in on the lecture and learn something about history. However, the person running it asked people to put on their cameras and mics so they could participate and I thought well, I don’t really want to be the only foreigner and in all likelihood the only bloke if it’s going to be a round-table discussion, so I scarpered. Oh well, that’s fifteen euros down the drain!
Breakfast
I’m enjoying the Portuguese reaction to Gordon Ramsay’s “Portuguese Breakfast” tweet
Church of the What Now?
Listening to A Morte do Papa earlier today I had a bit of a double take thinking they were talking about the Church of “A Mãe do Rebentor”. Rebentar means “burst” or “explode” so rebentor would be an exploder, I suppose. It was a weird image until a couple of minutes later my braincells kicked in and I realised it must be “redentor” (redeemer)
The Best Lidl Workout in Tejo
For no real reason, I decided to look for a portuguese workout channel to use instead of my normal Joe Wicks routine for a change. What I found was that the market seems to be dominated by Lidl, the supermarket chain. It’s quite a canny way to build a relationship with your customers, I suppose, during lockdown. There are dozens of videos on there. Here’s a basic playlist for example, but there are loads more, each with a long list of workout videos from little shorties like this guy doing power curtsies with his very patient dog…
…through yoga and pilates
…to half hour circuit sessions
They even have a few hosted by this guy Jorge Fonseca who is an actual world Judo champion who… what? Runs the deli counter at the weekend for a bit of extra cash? I dunno.
If you prefer your workouts without any unexpected items in the bagging area, the only other channel I know is “Dicas do Salgueiro”. He has the same beard/long hair combination as Joe but he’s got a slightly different style – he does crossfit videos rather than mucking about at home with his kids in the shot, dressed as Scooby Doo. I was having a laugh at how seriously he seemed to be taking himself in this video but then the last few seconds of it when he goes to put the sword away made me warm to him.
So I think I might see if I can go through one of his (hour long!) videos from the Treino em Casa Quarantena playlist one day when I’m feeling energetic.
Gender Wars 3: Attack of the Nouns
OK, so if you’re a new learner, you’ve probably come across a few explanations of how gender works in Portuguese, and how to work out if a given word is masculine or feminine just by looking at it. Different teachers have slightly different rules so I sat down to road-test them and see which versions were reliable and which had so many exceptions that they weren’t worth bothering with. I used a list of the 1000 most popular portuguese nouns (details in Appendix 3 below) and used excel formulae to see what rule *should* apply vs what gender it actually has.
This third version of the list has some new refinements for nouns ending in -ão. As you know they are very variable. I usually hear abstract nouns are feminine and concrete nouns are masculine but that’s a bit vague and there are lots of exceptions. But then I came across a video where some guy (I wish I could remember who so I could credit him!) said the thing to do is to look at the letter immediately before the -ão. Verbs ending -ção, -são and to a lesser extent -ião are the ones that are treated as abstract and feminine. They tend to be similar to english words ending -tion or -sion. The rest are manly and butch. Once you split the rule like this, it makes more sense and there are very few exceptions. So… I’ve updated the table below
Portuguese Noun Genders – All The Rules I Know
More specific rules nearer the top override more general ones further down. So for example, “dezena” is masculine because it meets the “all numbers are masculine” rule even though it ends in A. And Avó is feminine because it meets the “Male and Female people” rule even though it ends in an O. Sorry about the colour-scheme, but… well, you know… just trying to harness my cultural stereotypes in a way that makes it easier to follow.
| Rule | Examples | Exceptions |
|---|---|---|
| Dependent: Male and Female animals/people depend on individual’s sex* |
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| Dependent: Ordinal numbers depend what’s being counted, because they are effectively adjectives! |
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| Masculine: Nouns ending in -o (but not -ão though) -r -l -z -u |
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| Masculine: Names of Lakes, Rivers, Mountains etc |
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| Masculine: Compass points |
|
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| Masculine: Car brands** & types of wines |
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| Variable: The seasons obey their last letter rules o=masculine, a=feminine |
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| Variable: Week days obey their last letter rules o=masculine, a=feminine |
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| Masculine: Words from greek, usually ending -a: most usually in -ema -grama -eta |
|
“Gorjeta” is the only word with these endings that doesn’t match but Priberam says it’s not greek |
| Masculine: Letters |
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| Masculine: Cardinal numbers |
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| Feminine: Words ending in -ção -são -ião |
a acção a actuação a administração a alteração a aplicação a aprovação a associação a atenção a avaliação a canção a classificação a colecção a comissão a competição a composição a comunicação a concepção a conclusão a condição a constituição a construção a criação a decisão a declaração a definição a designação a dimensão a direcção a discussão a disposição a distribuição a divisão a edição a educação a eleição a emoção a estação a evolução a excepção a expansão a explicação a exploração a exportação a exposição a expressão a extensão a federação a formação a função a fundação a geração a impressão a inflação a informação a instalação a instituição a intenção a interpretação a intervenção a investigação a ligação a manifestação a missão a nação a negociação a obrigação a observação a ocasião a opção a operação a opinião a oposição a organização a orientação a paixão a participação a população a posição a preocupação a pressão a prisão a privatização a produção a profissão a protecção a publicação a reacção a realização a redução a região a relação a religião a representação a resolução a reunião a revisão a revolução a secção a selecção a sensação a sessão a situação a solução a televisão a tradição a transformação a união a utilização a variação a versão a visão a votação |
o apresentação o avião o coração |
| Masculine: Other words ending in -ão |
o alcatrão o algodão o balcão o cão o capitão o cartão o chão o cidadão o escaldão o feijão o órgão o padrão o pão o patrão |
a gestão a mão a questão a razão |
| Feminine: Most words ending in -a |
|
(likely also greek) |
| Feminine: Words ending in -ez |
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| Feminine: Words ending -dade -ie -tude -gem -ice -ã |
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| Feminine: Names of towns & countries |
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 Places specifically named after male things:
Places consisting of a male noun + adjective
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| Feminine: Names of the Academic Arts and Science subjects |
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*=Note that some of these change their endings but some – like dirigente, cientista, keep the same ending.
**=Â Jeremy Clarkson would love this, I’m sure
Appendix 1: Not-So-Easy E
Some teachers say that nouns ending in E are split between abstract and concrete. However, as you can see, contrary to the textbook rule, it’s mixed pretty evenly on both sides. Conclusion: the rule is bollocks, I’m afraid, and we’ll just have to learn these the hard way.
| Masculine | Feminine |
|---|---|
| In theory, these should all be concrete (things you can see and touch) | In theory these should all be abstract (ideas, emotions) |
| o acidente o ambiente o ataque o barrete o breve o clube o combate o continente o controle o corte o costume o crime o debate o dente o destaque o empate o exame o filme o gabinete o golpe o horizonte o instante o interesse o legume o leite o limite o mestre o monte o nome o nordeste o padre o parque o peixe o prÃncipe o regime o romance o sangue o telefone o teste o transporte o vale o volume |
a análise a arte a árvore a ave a base a carne a chave a classe a corte a crise a estante a face a fase a fome a fonte a frase a frente a gente a gripe a hipótese a mãe a metade a morte a noite a parede a parte a pele a ponte a posse a rede a saúde a sede a sorte a tarde a torre a vontade |
(NB Corte appears in both sides because it can mean either “The court” or “The cut”, both reasonably common but having differing genders just to be bloody awkward)
Apprendix 2: Mistakes, Mis-Shapes, Misfits
When I’d counted all the words that fit the rules and the exceptions, there was a short list left over of words that met none of the rules. The majority seem to be masculine, apart from fé, lei, ordem and nuvem.
- a fé
- o fim
- o gás
- o jardim
- a lei
- o mês
- a nuvem
- a ordem
- o paÃs
- o pé
- o som
- o tom
Appendix 3: the List of 1000 Most-used Portuguese Words
I got the list from a site called Hackingportuguese but I took out a couple of words that I saw that were Brazil-specific and a couple that looked like they were (at least in European Portuguese) only used as adjectives, and replaced them with random nouns from a Memrise deck, to bulk it up to a thousand again. I subjected the survivors to extreme torture in an excel spreadsheet in order to see how many exceptions there were, using Excel formulae to check the ending against the supposed rule. My version of the list is available as a spreadsheet here in case you want to play with it and check my work.
Site Changes
I’ve been thinking about the evolution of this blog. I originally started it as a sort of homework notepad where I would re-type texts that had been corrected, as a way of helping the lessons would stick in what I call my memory, but that’s less relevant these days, and the point of the blog was getting lost, especially since I have been learning other languages like Scots Gaelic which has been a bit confusing, I think.
So from now on I’m going to make it a bit more outward-facing, try and include more reviews of Portuguese resources and when I do include whole texts written in portuguese, try and explain what’s going on a bit more. I’ll be adding more and more resource pages listing useful Portuguese learning resources on the menu on the right hand side of the page too. Obviously I’m not a teacher, not even a native speaker, I’m just a student. If you’re reading this, I guess you are too. I think we students can probably help each other find good teachers, good videos, point out each other’s mistakes and generally motivate each other to be better at our chosen language.
An Invitation
So here’s an invitation: I write a lot of stuff on here but I’m curious to know who is reading it and what they like. I’d love to hear from you. I’d love it if you dropped a note in the comment section below 👇, saying what kind of thing you’d like to see on here. Or maybe go and find something you like on another page of the site and tell me about it. Is it the sort of thing you’d like to see more of? Less of? Have I made any egregious screw-ups? Should I convert the site to a knitting blog?
