I thought I’d try and collect together some of the uses of the word “tal”. Nothing definitive, but a sort of mood board or a pinterest page, gathering together some examples, because I know what it means, basically, but it’s quite a spongey word and it keeps popping up in unexpected places. Like here for example:

What is going on?
The standard meaning of tal given in most books when we first come across it is “such” but such is the confusion over words like “such” that its meaning only overlaps about 50% with the meanings of the english equivalent.

Hear are the meanings listed online. (“tal”, in Dicionário Priberam da Língua Portuguesa [em linha], 2008-2024, https://dicionario.priberam.org/tal.). I have colour-coded them by how “suchy” they are. Green = very like “such”, orange = similarish, red = nope.
quantificador existencial
1. Tão grande (ex.: a simpatia foi tal que voltaremos certamente). = TANTO [In english “the reaction to the announcement was such that the prime minister withdrew the policy 3 minutes later]
determinante e pronome demonstrativo
2. Igual, semelhante (ex.: nunca vi tal coisa; acho que nunca tal ouvi). [In english “I’ve never seen such such a thing!]
3. Este, esse, aquele, isto, aquilo.
4. Certo, não bem definido.
nome de dois géneros
5. Pessoa de que se fala sem nomear (ex.: este é o tal de que te falei).
I think this last one is the one in use in the meme. She could just say “who is that Uefa”, but but ading the “tal” it becomes more like “who is that Uefa person?” as if it’s slightly beaneath her to talk about such a person. You can imagine her curling her lip with distaste.

Asking around about this most people seemed to be sure that it would only be used if both the speaker and the listener already knew who was being talked about. Like in the António Zambujo song, Lambreta. “Come for a ride on my Lambreta … and stop thinking about that Vilela dude”. You know him, I know him, but really, I’d rather not.
This next case is quite similar but the person isn’t known to the speaker. He’s describing someone complaining about a certain tio Cafuxi. I think this might be definition 4: Certo, não bem definido.

This next one is definition 1. Her conviction was such (so much) that it became hard to disbelieve her-

Tal also forms part of lots of little phrases that crop up in conversation
como tal
•Nessa qualidade, por esse motivo. (“as such”)
e tal
• [Portugal, Informal] Usa-se para indicar quantidade ou número indeterminado que excede um número redondo (ex.: ele tem trinta e tal anos; chegaram a casa às duas e tal da manhã). (in english this would be “Twenty-odd” or “Twenty or so”)
não há tal
•Isso não é verdade. (I guess we have “There’s no such thing” but it’s a bit of a stretch)
que tal!
•Exclamação para exprimir surpresa.
que tal?
•Expressão usada para questionar o estado ou a qualidade de algo. (What d’you think?”)

tal como
•Da mesma forma que ou à semelhança de. (In english “Such as”, but more often than not when you want to say “such as” you’re better off just writing “como” without the tal)

tal e qual
•Exactamente; do mesmo modo; assim mesmo.
tal qual
•O mesmo que tal e qual.
There isn’t really one translation for the word, or any one way of understanding what it means, you just have to sort of get used to the situations where it arises, I think.