I enjoyed this as a challenge. And let me pass along the challenge to you, gentle reader: can you write a Limerick in Portuguese? Whack it in the comments and show me what you’ve got. All entrants win a free subscription to Luso Premium. That’s like ordinary Luso except you are allowed to read it out loud to yourself in a Michael Caine voice.
Um Limerick é um poema humorístico com 5 linhas. A primeira, a segunda e a quinta linhas rimam umas com as outras e a quarta rima com a terceira. Desafiei-me escrever um Limerick em português. Desculpem – acho que contem asneiras…
Havia um jovem do Porto Cujo pénis era bastante torto Mijou de maneira errada Salpicou a tomada Por isso o homem é morto*
*Apparently “é um homem morto” sounds more natural but I liked the rhythm better like this so I’ve left it.
Well, I’m back on blighty, as you’ll know if you’ve been following my series of updates from Coimbra and Porto. We’re off to France in a week or so for a proper holiday, so now I’ve got a week to brush up on the language they speak there which is called… What? “Frenge”, I think. Something like that. I used to be pretty good at it but obviously the language-learning part of my brain only has so much room and a lot of it has been filled up with Portuguese so it’s pretty hard to make myself understood these days.
Like Portugal, France has a lot of wildfires in summer and there are some near(ish) to where we’re staying, so we’ll just have to hope the place will still be standing when we get there.
Well, this didn’t happen. We’ll, not properly anyway. It was a bit of a wash out day considered from a planning point if view but that’s OK, i enjoyed it anyway. Travel is usually best if you don’t spend all your time dwelling on what didn’t happen and enjoy the things that do.
I’ve got a couple of book reviews to write up but I haven’t got around to them yet, I’ve been too busy writing a sort or daily diary so I’ll save the reviews till I’m home again.
So I’m in Coimbra, right, just down on a lark, working and running and annoying people with my terrible accent and someone’s just told me that Xutos e Pontapés, the Portuguese Rolling Stones are playing a gig in easy travel distance of here tomorrow and there até still tickets left and they are only – this is the amazing bit – €4 because of some communitarian cultural subsidies. It’ll be after my race so I don’t know if I’ll be up to it but it’s a thought, eh? It’s a thought!
I’ve heard the word “Beto” or its diminutive, “Betinho”, being used a few times as a sort of derrogatory word for a rich, posh person – someone the kids today would call privileged. I think I first came across it in 1986 A Série but didn’t really wonder where it came from. Apparently it’s from the early eighties when a Brazilian Telenovela called Dancing Days first aired on portuguese TV. There was a character in that called Beto, who was the son of well-off parents. He was played by Lauro Corona. The series aired in the late seventies and made its way to Portugal in the early eighties, so it still would have been quite a new word in 1986 when Nuno Markl puts it into the mouths of his protagonists.
Anyway, here’s a clip from the original series. It has strong eighties vibes to me, but I guess these trends don’t fit precisely into decades, do they?
I did a translation of “Super Ego trip Humilde” by Gandim a while ago and I fancied doing a second one. It took me a while because the page kept crashing and losing my work but I finally finished the bugger, Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you an english translation of The senstiment is pretty familiar – standard observational comedy – so it’s relatable content for pretty much anyone, but he manages to end it in a way that saves it from being cliché.
Este é um som bué positivo, bué lá em cima /This is a really positive sound, really uplifting Alegria, dedicado a todas as pessoas do mundo inteiro / Happiness going out to everyone in the whole world Yeeeeehahhhh / Yes Estou a gozar… isto é para todas as pessoas que eu odeio /I’m kidding… This is for all the people I hate E que vocês deviam odiar também / And that you should hate too Se por acaso alguém ficar ofendido /If by chance anyone gets offended I don’t give a shit / I don’t give a shit Odeio pessoas que pedem francesinha vegetariana / I hate people who ask for vegetarian francesinha Odeio pessoas que querem pizza sem queijo ou com banana / i hate people who want pizza without cheese or with banana Odeio pessoas que mastigam feitas vacas de boca toda aberta / I hate people who chew like cows with their mouths wide open Odeio pessoas na faixa do meio com a estrada deserta / I hate people in the middle lane with the road deserted Odeio pessoas que usam comic sans como fonte /I hate people who use Comic Sand as a font Odeio pessoas que dizem tou a chegar mas inda vão na ponte / I hate people who say I’m about to arrive Odeio pessoas com música sem phones no autocarro / I hate people who listen to music without headphones Odeio pessoas que passeiam na rua a puxar catarro / I hate people who walk in the road and cough up phlegm Odeio quem chega sempre atrasado / I hate people who always arrive late Odeio quem pede bife do lombo bem passado / I hate people who order sirloin well done Odeio quem não responde às mensagens / I hate people who don’t reply to messages Odeio quem mostra mil fotos de viagens / I hate people who show a thousand holiday photos Odeio pessoas que usam a palavra top / I hate people who use the word “top” Dizem face e insta / And say Face and Insta Falam à tia tipo de snob / Speak to their aunt like a snob Odeio velhas a pagar as contas no atm / I hate old ladies who pay their bills at the ATM Adultos com boné / Adults in baseball caps Quem come o último m&m / Who eat the last M&M Odeio pessoas / I hate people Podiam morrer todas / They can all die Odeio pessoas / I hate people De qualquer idade / Of whatever age Odeio pessoas / I hate people Velhos e crianças / Old people and children Odeio pessoas na generalidade / I hate people in general Odeio pessoas / I hate people Anseio a extinção / I yearn for extinction O fim do mundo / The end of the world É a melhor solução / Is the best solution Odeio pessoas / I hate people Anseio a extinção / I yearn for extinction O asteroide / The asteroid É a melhor solução / Is the best solution
Odeio pessoas que falam alto na sala de cinema / I hate people who talk in the cinema Odeio pessoas que ainda acham cool dançar o esquema / I hate people who still think it’s cool to dance the esquema Odeio pessoas que se guiam pelos signos / I hate people who follow the signs (I think this is about people followijg astrology rather than road signs) Odeio pessoas que acham tarólogos fidedignos / I hate people who believe astrologers Odeio pessoas que usam sunga na piscina sem ser natação / I hate people who wear speedos when they’re not even swimming Odeio pessoas com bebés a chorar no avião / I hate people with babies who cry on the plane Odeio os bebés… a chorar em qualquer lado / I hate babies crying anywhere Odeio os pais que não os calam um bocado / I hate parents who can’t get them to be quiet for a bit Odeio quem diz que tem wi-fi, mas é lento / I hate anyone who says they have wi-fi but it’s slow Odeio quem sorve a sopa, é nojento / I hate anyone who serves sleep, it’s disgusting Odeio quem diz que não precisa de beber para se divertir / I hate anyone who says they don’t need to drink to have fun Odeio quem entra no metro antes de te deixar sair / I hate anyone who gets on the metro without letting people get out Odeio pessoas que puxam o lençol / I hate people who hog the sheets Não sabem fazer rotundas / They don’t know how to use a roundabout E riem-se com lol / And they laugh by saying “lol” Odeio betos que sinalizam virtude / I hate posh people who virtue-signal Activismo de hashtag / Hashtag activism Não há quem os ature Nobody can put up with them Odeio pessoas / I hate people Podiam morrer todas / They can all die Odeio pessoas / I hate people De qualquer idade / of whatever age Odeio pessoas / I hate people Velhos e crianças / Old people and children Odeio pessoas na generalidade / I hate people in general Odeio pessoas / I hate people Anseio a extinção / I look forward to extinction O fim do mundo / the end of the world É a melhor solução / Is the best solution Odeio pessoas / I hate people Anseio a extinção / I look forward to extinction A peste negra / The black plague É a melhor solução / Is thebest solution
Odeio pessoas de óculos escuros em espaços fechados / I hate people who wear sunglasses indoors Odeio pessoas que passam à frente nos supermercados / I hate people who get in my way in the supermarket Odeio pessoas que metem a toalha em cima com a praia vazia / I hate people people who put out a towel on an empty beach Odeio pessoas que não respondem a um bom dia / I hate people who don’t reply when you say hello Odeio pessoas que publicam indirectas nas redes sociais / I hate people who talk shit on the internet** Odeio casais com facebook conjunto siameses digitais / I hate couples with joint facebook pages like digital siamese twins Odeio pessoas felizes logo de manhã / I hate people who are happy first thing in the morning Odeio pessoas com unhas de gel a bater no ecrã / I hate people with gel nails tapping on their phone screen Odeio quem deixa o carro estacionado em segunda fila / I hate anyone who leaves their car double-parked Odeio quem diz que é doce de ovos mas afinal é de gila / I hate anyone who says that they’ve made egg custard but actually it’s made of gila*** Odeio quem tem iphone e não arranja os dentes / I hate anyone who has an iphone but doesn’t get their teeth fixed Odeio quem estaciona no lugar dos deficientes / I hate anyone who parks in the disabled parking space Odeio a namorada que não queria nada / I hate a girlfriend who didn’t want anything Come as tuas batatas / She eats your potatoes**** E ainda fica indignada / And still gets annoyed Odeio as pessoas que dizem “as ‘soas” / I hate people who say “peeps” ***** Fanhosos a fungar / Snotty people sniffing Porque é que não te assoas / Why don’t you blow your nose? Odeio pessoas / I hate people Podiam morrer todas / They can all die Odeio pessoas / I hate people De qualquer idade / of whatever age Odeio pessoas / I hate people Velhos e crianças / Old people and children Odeio pessoas na generalidade / I hate people in general Odeio pessoas / I hate people Anseio a extinção / I look forward to extinction O fim do mundo / the end of the world É a melhor solução / Is the best solution Odeio pessoas / I hate people Anseio a extinção / I look forward to extinction Holocausto nuclear / Nuclear holocaust É a melhor solução / Is the best solution
Ainda tenho muito ódio em mim / I still have a lot of hate in me Mas a música está quase no fim / but the song is almost over Por isso sem rodeio / So without further ado Aqui vão mais umas quantas pessoas que odeio / Here are some other people I hate Quem faz espuma nos cantos da boca / People who froth at the sides of their mouth Gémeos adultos com a mesma roupa / Adult twins with the same clothes Quem diz que anda aí com um projecto / Anyone who says it’s out with a project Quem diz sande, apesar de estar correcto / Anyone who says “sande” (even though that’s correct) Odeio quem não sabe cortar queijos / I hate anyone who doesn’t know how to cut chese Odeio quem se dá um em vez de dois beijos / I hate anyone who gives one instead of two kissed Odeio quem se despede com abreijos / I hate anyone who signs off with “abreijos“ Odeio quem se queixa que em agosto está sol / I hate anyone who complains that the sun is shining in August Que são os mesmos que em dezembro dizem que faz briole / They’re the same people who say it’s chilly in December Quem não fez o trabalho de grupo, mas aparece na apresentação / Who doesn’t pull their weight in the team but still turns up at the presentation Quem filma concertos inteiros nas stories, mêmo pitas sem noção / Who films the whole concert on their stories – they really are clueless kids Odeio pessoas que interrompem as outras a falar / I hate people who interrupt when others are talking Puto olha aqui uma cena… man, não vês que estou a gravar? / “Dude, look at this thing…” Man, can’t you see I’m recording? Odeio quem usa chinelos com meias / I hate anyone who wears sandals with socks Modelos de Instagram feias / Ugly instagram models Com os seus pezinhos sapudos, enfiados na areia / With their podgy feet stuck in the sand Odeio quem luta pelo ac no trabalho, / I hate people who fight for air conditioning at work Dói-me a garganta, eh pá, vai pó caralho / It hurts my throat, hey man, fuck off! Quem não sabe conjugar o verbo haver / Anyone who doesn’t know how to conjugate the verb “haver” Quem não sabe usar palavra literalmente, podia morrer / Anyone who doesn’t know how to use the word “literally” can die. Odeio pessoas que só se queixam e dizem mal / I hate people who only complain and say bad stuff Odeio pessoas e seres humanos no geral / I hate people and huiman beings in general Odeio quem está no reflexo do espelho / I hate the person reflected in the mirror Por isso é que tenho tanto ódio / That’s why I have all this hate Não gosto do que vejo / I don’t like what I see Odeio-me a mim mesmo, ganda plot twist / I hate myself. Huge plot twist Afinal o misantropo / Ultimately the misanthrope Era só um inseguro triste / was just a sad, insecure man Ya, ganda final / Yeah, big finish Não é cómico, mas tem boa moral / It’s not funny but it has a good moral Ya, ganda final / Yeah, big finish Não é cómico, mas tem boa moral / It’s not funny but it has a good moral
*It says “inda” in the original and I’m pretty sure it should be “ainda” but whether that’s a typo or just slang like “tou” and some of the other words in the rap.
**Uma indirecta is a comment that appears to be nice but has a hidden, malicious intent. It’s not a straightforward personal attack and… actually, it’s a little hard to know how to translate it. Subtweet? Trolling? Something like that.
***I don’t know why it has taken me until now to find this out but apparently Gila is a kind of green squash that’s often used in sweets. Sounds weird, but then pumpkin pie exists, so is it really that strange? So he’s protesting about “doce de ovos” (egg custard type stuff) turning out to just be nasty pumpkin goo. Well, fair enough, I can see how that wold be annoying!
**** I wondered if this was some sort of expression, but no, it’s just literal. You ask someone if they want a portion of chips and they say no but then proceed to eat all of yours
***** I think ‘soas is short for “pessoas” so I’ve used the closest equivalent I could think of but I could be wrong…
In English, as you know, FROL stands for Farting Raucously Out Loud, but I came across the same word in the title of a book I’m trying to read (God the vocabulary though – I don’t know how much more of this I can take!)
Apparently Frol can refer to the foam on a wave: sea-spume, something like that. But it’s also an archaic spelling of “flor”, apparently. So they’re beautiful women in bloom. Makes sense. I find it really odd that the old spelling is so much like a joke, as if someone has deliberately swapped two consonants for a laugh and it caught on.
In the world of social media you’ll occasionally come across the idea of a pinned message or pinned tweet. That’s a message that stays at the top of the page even while new messages are posted.
In Portuguese, this is sometimes described using the word “pinar” which is unfortunate because pinar also means “shag“. I have just made an idiot of myself by suggesting someone shag their message in reddit.
So what’s the right word? Colar? (to glue something) Pregar? (to nail something) no, it’s Afixar (ao topo) apparently. This according to Microsoft’s list of tech terms translated into Portuguese which seems worth bookmarking for later.